Growing up I would hear my mom and dad talk about how there
is this and that in their families. Baldness, second toe bigger than the first,
then more serious things, heart problems, high blood pressure, dementia. I had
no background at all. Not that it didn't exist, just that I had no access to
it. Being adopted, you don't get that right.
As a teenager my doctor would ask me "is there a
history of..." and my answer was always "I don't know" So when I
went to my doctor as a teen with horrible pain and no background, I was told it
was something to do with my ovaries and it probably made me sterile. This was my greatest sadness.
Thankfully I did become pregnant when I was 25 (I was also
married - pay attention ladies).
The birth of my son in itself was interesting. My water
broke first - which I have heard is unusual for first time pregnancies but
whatever, I never have been one to follow rules well. I knew though that they had 24 hours after
that time to get the baby out, or so I thought. 32 hours later I realized I was
not correct.
The doctor insisted the baby was stuck some how in the canal
and gave me drugs to make me push harder.
By this time I have been awake for 2 days and am literally passing out
between contractions. When he intensified the feeling I thought I was going to
die. My mother in law walked into the
room and saw me and told him "ENOUGH!! She can't take any more"! God
Love her, I think she saved both our lives.
He rushed us to the O.R.
I was knocked out and they tried to get Brent. They used
forceps and found out that what they thought they had been feeling, his head, was actually his
shoulder and he was sideways. They had to push him backwards, turn him, then
pull him out with forceps He was non
responsive. A.P.G.A.R. zero. For those of you who don't know. The
"A.P.G.A.R." is a evaluation they do at the time of birth. It stands
for Appearance,Pulse, Grimace, Activity, Respiration.
Larry was in the waiting room and heard them page the
pediatrician to the OR STAT. He was terrified. His family was in there. No one
told him what was happening he just saw a man run by like lightning. Soon though he found we were all ok. Brent
being as resistant as he is, decided he wanted to experience the world, took a
breath on his own as the pediatrician was getting on his gown. That's my boy. I
had missed the entire thing, still knocked out cold. Turned out all the pushing I was doing I was
bending his head and cutting off his air.
Now I had a ultrasound during my pregnancy, and he was
locked into place as normal. Very rare cases babies will slip out of the
desired position and slip sideways right at the end. This is common if the
mother (grandmother etc) had it happen to them. Something had I had known was
there, they would have watched for. Now I am realizing my blank slate is going
to be a problem. For this moment however I am just loving my baby, glad he is
ok and giving him lots of love and cuddles. Meanwhile thanking God we are both
OK.
After the birth of my son I experienced tremendous pain. At
first I thought this was normal. I had never had any children so I figured that
this is just how it felt. When the pain
remained into month 3, I knew I had something else going on. It was so bad that I could not sit, had
problems with going to bathroom, and sex (sorry family reading this) was so
painful it was impossible. So my gynecologist asked the all important questions
"Any history of....". Of course, I have no idea and now I am scared
of what I might have.
So began the testing, none of it pleasant. It seems if you are experiencing tremendous
pain, the test must be sure to at least equal or aggravate said pain. Bladder, colon, etc etc, all showing
nothing. A year went by, no answers. By
this time I am depressed beyond imagination. I have no intimacy with my husband
and the pain makes my every day life horrible.
I went back to the gynecologist to continue with trying to
find answers. He met me in the room that
day with a intern. He went over my file
and then preceded to tell me he thinks it is psychological I have to tell you I almost went
psychological on his ass! I sat there I am sure looking at him like I was
seconds away from punching him when the intern piped up to talk to him. They talked and the intern suggested
"*endometriosis". They went over the file and then he turned to me
and asked a few more questions about my symptoms, and prior health. The doctor
agreed this is feasible. Lucky for him,
because I was getting pretty mad.
I underwent the surgery and when my Doctor came me to
afterwards he said that I was so full of *endometriosis, it truly was amazing I
even became pregnant. More of Brent's determination. At least this mystery was solved. He told me
to remain on birth control as it keeps the spread of it at bay and most likely
when I went off birth control to get pregnant, it caused it to run rampant. This is also a genetic disease. Something it
would have been helpful to know. I noticed while the doctor is explaining this
all to me, the pain is gone, and I cried in relief as he spoke. Yes, it was
that bad before.
Afterwards I realized that I am not longer the only blank
slate here when it comes to medical issues. Now not only do I get to tell the
doctor "I don't know" with regards to my own background, I get to
also tell him for part of my sons. This
was not acceptable.
It was then I decided it was time to solve this riddle, find
the information I needed to fill in the blanks.
I began phone calls. The hospital I was born, the agency I was adopted
through, and so on. I found out that I could get "non identifying
information" which would tell me the known medical issues up until the
time of the adoption but of course nothing afterwards. Why is that a "of
course", why can't they be updated. This annoyed me but I will take what I
can get. There was a massive waiting
list, could be years they said. Ok. I said, put me on the list.
Years is right. When Brent was 2 we had moved to Northern
Alberta and again the "I don't knows"
showed up. I find out I have
pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Is
there a history of.....?? The doctor asks. I am wondering, where is the
information anyway?? The pre-cancer progressed fast. I went from stage 1 to 3
in weeks, worrying the doctor, and freaking me out. Thankfully they treat it
and I am fine.
The I phoned back to the agency to find out about
my information, and my file was not there, let's do this again. Ok great. I
wait again, and I wait and I wait. When Brent is 4, we move back to Calgary
after the death of my father. I am overcome with grief and have now forgotten
about it (perhaps given up on it). Then
I find out I am pregnant with our second child,
when a big brown envelope arrives and there it is.
As I read I see a person in my mind. A person similar to me
in many ways by description. Personality, likes, dislikes. Now I have gone from
wanting medical to wanting to know her. Where is she, who is she, what is she
doing now? Did they stay together, is she married, do I have half siblings or
maybe full? Ok now I have more questions than I do answers and I want to know
more.
I phone back and talk to the agency again, this time I want
the identifying information. I am told there is a fee of 350 dollars for that
and a waiting list of 6 months to a year before they will even get to the file
at all unless she has requested to be found then they will match us at that
time instantly or they will start looking for me and that could also take
years. The wait time is bad enough but back then, asking for 350 dollars they
might as well asked for a billion, I didn't have that. So I was left with my
questions.
The year then was 1996/97 and the internet was still a new
born. I went there first (and so begins my internet addiction lol). I found a
newsgroup of adoptees and issues and people who were from Canada with very
similar stories and concerns and needs. It was wonderful, they were exactly the
outlet I needed at the time. One of the
members started a website that people who were adopted and searching could put
their names on, and b.famlies searching could put their names on, in an effort
to match people up. So of course, on I went.
As the years passed, I updated where I was living, email
addresses, phone numbers. It just became part of the routine of moving. Call
the cable company, gas company, change address on website, just another part of
it. The years go on and soon we are in the year 2009 and my phone rings.
Of course this particular night my kids (who are now
teenagers) are out and my husband is out and I am home by myself now talking to
the lady who runs the website. She explains who she is and why she is calling
and that she just got off the phone with my b.mother. I can't even tell you how
I felt. I was shocked, excited, nervous, shocked - did I mention shocked? Soon we hung up and my phone rang again, this
time it was my b.mom. All my questions all my years of things to say, do, were
gone. I don't even remember what I said actually, I was just - shocked (I think
I mentioned that).
Since that phone call we have met and we do hit bumpy
periods but who doesn't. I have met 2 of my 3 half brothers and some of my nieces
and nephews. I am glad I did it yes. It
is quite something to look into the eyes of someone else and see your own eyes
looking at you. Or look at a half brother and see parts of your son. These were
new experiences for me and I do enjoy it.
My adopted family has also met my b.mom and her husband. My
A. family is my family, that will never change. My a.mom is my mom, always will
be, she is also my best friend. My a.brother, the same. I am a lucky girl to
have 4 brothers! Is that luck? Probably a good thing I didn't have all of them
during my teenage years my A.brother chased off enough of my boyfriends
lol. All kidding aside. My brother Kevin
is my brother, 100% and my best friend and someone I admire more than I can
tell you. That is another post all together.
Things happen and lately again the questions of medical have
come up. There are still gaps and things I don't know. This has me thinking about about the process
and how it really puts the adoptees (and their new parents) at a serious
disadvantage.
I started doing some research into the problem and found in
parts (if not all) of the USA when a child is adopted and something is found
AFTER adoption to be a genetic problem it is automatically updated to their
file. This is a good idea. It does not mean a name needs to be attached to that
information. Simply put, it says something like "On the mothers side, ___
was found" or whatever.
I also have found out that in parts of Canada your
healthcare card is like a credit card. Picture on it and a swipe on the back.
When swiped your medical information is shown. Here in Alberta we have a piece
of paper that usually gets destroyed in the pocked of your pants when they are
washed and tells nothing of you, other than your name. There is also no proof
that is your name at all, no picture. Seems like we are a bit behind the times.
What I want to do is change things for adopted children. Why
must we be blank slates? No one who was not adopted can understand what this is
like. With all the technology we have why can't we have complete medical
records? We consider Healthcare a right in Canada yet deny Adoptee's knowledge
of their own health backgrounds. How does that even make sense. Why are we
stripped of this because we are adopted? We deserve every advantage as anyone
else. Things need to change.
This is my mission and what I aim to do. I know I am not
alone in this fight and hope to get things changed. We are in a modern society,
stop keeping adoption in the dark ages.
Thanks for reading! I look forward to your support. I will
update the group as more information comes to me. Please feel free to share
your thoughts, stories, or just say hello.
We are in this together, we can make a difference.
~Kristen
*Endometriosis is a gynecological medical condition in which
cells from the lining of the uterus endometrium appear and flourish outside the
uterine cavity, most commonly on the membrane which lines the abdominal cavity.
The uterine cavity is lined with endometrial cells, which are under the
influence of female hormones. Endometrial-like cells in areas outside the
uterus (endometriosis) are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way
that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Genetic predisposition plays
a role in endometriosis. Daughters or sisters of patients with endometriosis
are at higher risk of developing endometriosis themselves; low progesterone
levels may be genetic, and may contribute to a hormone imbalance. There is an
about 6-fold increased incidence in women with an affected first-degree
relative.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adopteerightsca/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/adopteerightsca/
