Time passes so quickly and things can change even faster, sometimes good sometimes not.
Illness always seems to be around - and as family battles different things we find ourselves wishing the miles between us were not as many. Trying to find ways to bridge the gaps - it can be a challenge.
Today I took a step forward. I met with my b.mom. She asked if I would meet for lunch and I agreed. It went very well, good conversation, pleasant. I did not bring up any old issues or ask any questions - at this point I don't think it would matter. It has been made clear to me that I am never to know the answers, so why keep harping on it. I am content with myself and knowing will not make me any better or any less of a person. I suppose I would be able to look for similarities, or answer doctors when they ask specific questions (for example with my weak immune system and irregular heartbeat) if there is a history of.... (fill in the blank), with something, instead of a "I don't know". Oh well. I can't change that, it is out of my control, I am but a player but I didn't write the play, and I certainly do not direct it.
Putting a new spin on things is Larry finding and talking to his b.daughter. This has been most exciting for us! We have made a pact that anything she asks we will tell her. We have tried to contact her b.mom but haven't had much luck, so we gave her all her information and let her decide what to do. If she wants we can always try another way to get her, perhaps via her family.
It has been interesting for us both because being I am on the same side as his daughter I really get her mindset here. The fact that I had known Larry for years before she was born is a cool thing, so I can also tell her about him, and her b.mom, as I knew them both before her conception and after her birth. I lost contact with her b.mom after Larry and I started dating. It clearly didn't sit well with her but it was a year after the child's birth and sixth months after they had broken up.
Anyways, I digress. I look forward to meeting her (hopefully in the next month or so?) she seems like a wonderful young woman. Also, beautiful!
I found a note tonight on someone's facebook page associated with my b.mom. At first it got my guard all up again but I took a minute and decided - what is the point. Why keep on about something that is obviously never going to go anywhere. It will just get me upset, and frustrated, for what? So I just let it be. This is how my life goes it seems lol if there is something complicated to be, it will be to me. I swear sometimes I think I must be God's guinea pig lol. Between life drama and bizarre sicknesses, I really wonder. As I age I am trying to learn to take my stress and let it go, pick my battles, some times it just isn't worth the blood-pressure.
That's all for now - good night readers.
